He is a vagabond, and she is royalty. He is out to acquire the riches of the world, yet she has already experienced wealth beyond measure. He is adventurous. She is mystical. Each brings a unique set of skills to the table. Together they form a powerful tandem adept in sword fighting, acrobatics, and magic. Too bad they're idiots.

In this latest rendition of Prince of Persia, we witness first-hand how two foolish characters can ruin what should have been a great game. On one side is the Prince, dashing and daring, yet incredibly simple-minded and obnoxiously talkative. To his opposite is Elika, a beautiful woman with the ability to call forth the power of the gods. While she may be strong-willed and self-determined, her accomplice is nothing more than a lame-brained dufus out to impress the girl he so dutifully stalks.

Their meeting begins in a windswept desert. He is calling for his lost donkey, and she is fleeing from her father’s royal guards. Apparently Elika comes from an unhappy household, but that's hardly the most pressing matter. The world is soon flooded in strife thanks to the evil god Ahriman who, much to our two heroes' chagrin, is released from bondage by Elika's father. Now the lands are cast in shadow, and it’s up to our two goofball heroes to set things straight.

As Elika and the Prince scour each area of the Fertile Lands determined to break Ahriman's spell, we see just how out of place the Prince truly is. When we learn of Ahriman's cruelty, the Prince off-handedly asks Elika why she didn't choose a religion where the evil gods were killer sheep. Ladies and gentlemen, your new Prince of Persia!

The silly dialogue sequences and questionable character nuances would hardly be a major issue if this were a truly good game, yet Prince of Persia suffers from issues even greater than character arcs and crummy dialogue. These issues are magnified as we discover just how simple the game really is. We don't ask for challenge that's tough enough to drive us away from playing a game, but it certainly would be nice if we knew that we were playing a game that wasn't holding our hand every step of the way. Recall Elika's ability to conjure magic. Should the Prince ever fall off a ledge, get stabbed in the gut, or otherwise find his life in jeopardy, Elika will immediately save him at little to no penalty. In a game where we are asked to shimmy across great, imposing canyons and jump across ruined palaces, don't you think it would be a little more interesting if we knew that one foul misstep could potentially lead to the Prince's undoing, as opposed to a simple restart from the previous platform?

There isn't any sense of danger or excitement in this new Prince of Persia. Yes, the world is large, beautiful, and intricate. There are many bottomless chasms, crumbling surfaces, and dilapidated walls that the Prince must pass. Yet at the same time, they're not as dangerous as they appear. There is scarcely a single moment when Elika won't be at the Prince's side, meaning that there is never a moment the Prince can die. Any sense of adventure is immediately sapped away as we sit back and errantly press buttons without a care in the world. After all, if the Prince falls asunder, Elika will be right there to pick him back up.

It's such a shame, because if Elika didn’t act as a perpetual bodyguard, and if the dialogue weren't so insipid, Prince of Persia could have been one of the more exciting games to see release in some time. The lands of Persia, especially once they're freed from the dark powers of Ahriman, are truly luscious and beautiful. Imagine performing stunts off the many ledges and pillars littering realms saturated in vibrant colour. Visuals this breathtaking would compliment the action on-screen, but here they only serve to remind us that we’re playing a game more about style than substance.