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The Special Report:

All the headcrabs! So many headcrabs!

Whiny parents talk to the BBFC, who spout nonsense at idiot journalists.  But why talk about that, when someone's made a delightfully ridiculous video?

This month's Special Report was going to be reserved for picking to shreds the nonsense, copy-and-pasted news articles that are seeping their way into the mainstream press about the BBFC's recent research into parents' opinions about game content.  It's a ludicrous piece of non-journalism that shows a complete disregard for logic and reasoning, as well as a deep rejection of actually writing your own copy.

Lots of parents think games like Grand Theft Auto are warping their kids' minds, and are worried about it, it would seem.  Lots of parents should probably pay more attention to the great big certificates printed on the boxes, it would suggest.  And, apparently, people don't pay attention to a big age rating unless it has the BBFC's stamp of approval, instead of that of the more-knowledgeable-about-this-sort-of-thing PEGI board.

"...If you've got a film with one swear word in it, you'll hear that word once, but in a game you can go back and play that bit again and again..."
- The BBFC's Sue Clark, failing to engage her brain...

"If you've got a film with one swear word in it, you'll hear that word once, but in a game you can go back and play that bit again and again," says the BBFC's Sue Clark, who has obviously never heard of VHS, DVD, BluRay or the internet.  Either that or all her equipment is very broken.

All it really tells us is that certain idiot parents need to stop being blind and ridiculous.  "I've spoken to loads of people who've said 'Oh, I've bought my son the new Grand Theft Auto," says our very own Pete Hulme.  "'But he's only 12!' I say.  'Yeah, but he really wanted it,' is the reply."

But no.  We can't be bothered to talk about this nonsense any more.  So, instead, the main focus of The Special Report this month becomes Michael Rose's agreeably silly parody of Blur's 'Parklife', made ages ago but only brought to our attention now.  You might want to invest in a new microphone, Michael, but other than that, you're well on the money.

It's the funniest games-related YouTube nonsense we've seen since the Deus Ex Recut.  Yeah, have a look at that too.

Thanks to the lovely folk at Rock, Paper, Shotgun for tipping us off about Michael's absurdly wonderful video.

Issue 4


Editor's Note

The Special Report
A silly video! Hooray!

The Evolution of Horror
A look back at the genre's history

16-Bit Boy
Do our minds corrupt the most innocent games?

Is it 'Game Over' for survival horror?
Where's the genre heading?

The Angry Gamer
Are games programmed to cheat?

Listen to your Elders!
Lessons from the FPS grandfathers

Vince D. Weller
What makes a good RPG?

Interview: Dan Pinchbeck
How far can we push FPS boundaries?

First Impressions: Resident Evil 5
Rekindling the spirit?


F.E.A.R. 2: Project Origin

Cryostasis: Sleep of Reason

The Last Remnant

The Path

Big Bang Mini



Spelunky (Game of the Month)

ShellShock 2: Blood Trials

Hotel Giant 2